Sky Defender is free, please donate
Sky Defender is free and I'll be creating several other mini games and releasing them for free over the next few weeks. Please read my story below and donate to my legal fund if you are able, if not then just scroll all the way to the bottom for the download links.
Update: 2006-08-10. This page is starting to get too long and it's hard to follow updates. I am going to be adding additional notes as separate blog posts, then just link and summarize here in the appropriate sections. You can always leave comments or questions by scrolling to the very bottom, or by emailing me directly (TOgburn at gmail dot com). If you aren't able to leave a donation, but would still like to help and have a blog, please link to this page and help me spread the word. Eventually it will reach the tipping point, and even if not it will be good info for all the other dads out there that may end up in a similar situation.
Direct link to PayPal Donations because the button doesn't show up.
Why I am asking for donations?
On 2 July 2006 my wife told me she wanted a divorce and was moving out. This came as a shock to me, it's not something you really plan for. On 9 July 2006 she moved out. At that time we continued our previous schedule of watching our daughter; I worked mornings while she watched her, then she worked evenings and I got to be with her. On the night of Tuesday 11 July 2006, she picked up my daughter like the night before, however on Wednesday afternoon she refused to give her back to me or even tell me where she was. She was holding my daughter hostage from me. At that time I was forced to file for divorce and temporary custody in order to get to see my daughter. Luckily I have some very good friends that know I am the best father, and by Friday I was able to borrow enough money to pay the lawyers retainer. It was another week before Apiwan's attorney contacted mine and worked out a deal to avoid going to court. They literally called at the last minute to keep my daughter from me as long as possible.
As one can imagine, attorneys are expensive. This is going to be a drawn out custody battle because I truly want to take care of my daughter and believe she will be in better care with me. Apiwan never wanted kids and is making up easily refuted lies just to try to harm me and my relationship with my daughter. Of course, all the lies she makes up takes time for my attorney to gather info necessary to dispute them and my bill is quickly getting very high. I just cannot afford to keep this up much longer by myself so I am making a plea to the world to help me. I will do whatever it takes to make sure I get to keep my daughter and that she is in the best care. I am asking for donations, but I am also willing to work for money. If you have programming tasks that need done, I can do it. I am a professional developer in the IT department of a major computer manufacture and have 10 years experience. Mostly C++, VB6, and ASP/HTML. I also have about 2 years experience with C#. If you need game programming, I am learning Torquescript and have a commercial license to Torque Game Builder if you need source modifications. I have built some smaller games using OpenGL and SDL, but I'm not an expert. If you live in the central Texas area, I also have experience repairing computers and setting up home networks.
You can also read my personal blog posts to read about my daughter and what has happened recently.
My Story:
How we met:
I will tell here about how we were introduced by my friend and her aunt, how we talked for a year, I went to visit, and we got married.
Marriage, the early years:
I will tell here about the early rough patches and the good times.
Marriage, the (apparently) final years:
I will talk here about the past year or so, basically after we moved into the house and the birth of my daughter.
Awaken the sleeping giant (me) and unleash the gods of war (lawyers):
I will tell here about her taking and holding my daughter hostage, and my frantic search for an attorney and money to pay.
The court-house custody battle:
Coming up 2006 August 9, I will tell more about what happens afterwards.
Update: 2006 August 8. We came to a temporary agreement. We had actually came to one the night before, but then in the morning she changed her mind before signing. By the afternoon we had come up with a new agreement, which was basically the old one with all the times shifted forward 15 minutes. ;| I think her attorney pretty much forced her to take this one before she could change her mind because it's getting to be quite expensive for everyone and all of her little pettiness and being uncooperative wouldn't look good to a judge. I almost felt bad about this since I had spent close to 4 hours with my attorney this morning preparing for trial. It's always better not to go to war, but you still feel let down when you train and work yourself up for something and then it doesn't happen. The one thing that pisses me off most about this agreement is that we've had our schedule (I work mornings, she works evenings) and it was working good for trading Alexandria off without baby sitters. Now she changed her work schedule to the same as mine so I have to watch Alexandria during the day while I also still have to get work done. Luckily my day job management has been very understanding so far, we'll see what happens tomorrow when I meet with my manager to tell him I have to work from home full time and see what kind of schedule I can work out to still get to have time with my daughter and get my work done. Texas is supposedly a "best for the child" state, but when it comes right down to it, the judges still usually side with the mother so that was probably about the best deal I could get. Anyway, it's still just temporary, we'll have to go thorugh this whole thing again to finalize the divorce and her attorney has already said he knows it's going to change again in a few weeks. :(
What happens next?:
I will continue to add to this article as events happen, so others can live the divorce experience through me.
Life Lessons:
I have a good friend that has unfortunately been in a similar situation before. As I learn a new life lesson from these unfortunate circumstances she alerts me when I have learned an important life lesson. I will list those here as I learn them so maybe others can learn from my mistakes, or at least know what they are going through is normal.
1. The experience is going to be a rollercoaster. You will have times of extreme anger (eg someone refusing to let you see your own child, or handing your child back to that person) and sadness and times of extreme joy (eg when you get your child back after not seeing her for a week and a half). This is normal. The really dark times will help you appreciate the good ones more.
2. You must act civilly, especially when you are handing your child back to the person that stole her from your life for a week and a half. You may have thought you had been angry or sad before, but this is one of the hardest, saddest, angriest, most heart-wrenching moments that will ever occur in your life. Make sure you have someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on afterwards. Early on you will not be talking during the hand overs, but eventually she will let out a spiteful comment. Once that first one is out the rest come very easy, so try to ignore them and minimize situations where she can make one.
3. When the possibilty of marriage comes up, make sure the person you are with wants to be with you, but does not need to be with you. If they are relying on you to take care of them, be very wary. The time will come when you can no longer do so, no longer want to do so, or they no longer need you to do so - and you don't know how they will act then.
4. You can not do it alone. I don't care how much of a lone wolf you are (trust me, I'm one :) ) or how self sufficient. When it comes down to it, you will swallow your pride and get help. You will not be able to survive this without having people to talk to and a support network of friends. And no matter how private your life has been before, there are people who will be willing to help and feel honored that you are asking them.
5. Update:2006-08-10 - Have a Daddy Daughter Day. Something unique that the two of you do together, just spending time and building memories. It can be as simple as watching a movie or having ice cream. Just do it consistently week after week (or every 2 weeks, or any set time) and make it a priority. Make that your time together, bonding, and show that your time together is important enough that only extreme emergencies should interfere with it.
Thanks:
I have several good friends that have been extremely supportive and have given me strength during this time of need. I am going to check with them before I post their names, but suffice it to say for now that they know who they are and I cannot tell them thank you enough.
Some others I do feel comfortable listing:
My employer. The company I work for (Dell, Inc), and specifically my management has been extremely supportive during this time, reducing my workload and being very understanding that for the past few weeks I've needed easy tasks because the worrying about my daughter and all the meetings I've had with attorneys are eating up my time. Dell is a great company to work for when it comes to life-work balance and I am proud to be an employee there.
Steve Pavlina. I have never met him personally, but I started reading his articles back when he was active in dexterity.com and I just sort of followed him to his personal development website. If you look back through some of my previous posts you can see some specific examples where his knowledge has helped me. His blog posts have helped me to grow as a person and given me the courage and consciousness to keep my head about me while my world is collapsing.
Direct link to PayPal Donations because the button doesn't show up.
The free games:
Sky Defender is the first. It is currently in Beta 0.8 and I do plan to fix any bugs (post them in the forums) that come up as I work on other minigames. Sky Defender is a modern day Space Invaders clone. You must defend our world from the Mingian buggers. Collect power ups while you can, because the farther from Earth you get, the longer it takes them to appear.
Download Sky Defender (3.78 MB, windows only for now)